42 Years Young

A FINE lady turns 42, and thanks to her, I get to enjoy a day’s break from the office. She’s lucky – Only a country can be 42 years old and be deemed as young. Hell, I started calling my mum Lao Chio (old but pretty hag in Hokkien) ever since she hit 40.

I have a love-hate relationship with my motherland. Sometimes I’m grateful of her existence, sometimes I want to cease her existence.

I do get extremely discouraged by her fickle-minded behaviour, at times. For example, on one hand, you tell us its ok to be gay, and on the other, you tell us gay people aren’t allowed to have a picnic at the Botanic Gardens without a permit.

Why on earth do gay people need a permit to eat their sandwiches in Botanic Gardens? Do you think the mayonnaise used in their sandwiches is self-manufactured? And even so, is consumption illegal? How harmful is a bunch of gay people to the plants anyway? What, an Orchid will turn into a Cactus due to overexposure to homosexually which disrupts the process of photosynthesis? Gay people may be naturally more self-conscious about their appearances, but they won’t bother applying SPF50 sun block lotion on plants, believe me.

Well, on the account that I do have the day off, I will end my bitch trip early, and be nice. After all, I love my country too. For the following reasons.

1. Safety
I can stagger home pissed drunk in a low-cut top, come-fuck-me mini skirt, at 4 in the morning and know that I won’t get raped. Unless of course, I live in Geylang. If that’s the case, I’d probably get paid after getting raped anyway.

2. Chicken Rice
2 white drumsticks, with an egg please.

3. Geographical Location
I can get to Krabi and back in just under a hundred dollars.

4. Public Transport
Before you think it’s no big deal, try experiencing the public transport in Europe or US. The train stations are sprayed with splatters of dogs’ urine, buses arrive every 10 years, and you may have to skip your designated stop because of a bomb threat.

5. The ability to squeeze 3 languages into a single sentence and be understood
Siao eh, 你们 go where makan?

6. Singapore Airlines
Qatar may be catching up, but our signature sarong kebaya by Parisian designer Pierre Balmain still makes heads turn. Both heads.

7. Currency
Big enough to think shopping in Asia is dirt cheap, small enough to make everyone outside of Asia think shopping in Singapore is dirt cheap.

8. Kopi-O
Forget Starbucks. We’ve got the real deal at 1/5 of the price, baby.

Our homegrown famous blogger, Mr. Miyagi, has directed 3 videos on “What if Singapore were a person?” which also features a good friend of mine, Irene. Check the videos out.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3


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