So Lesbian

Eh, so how you lesbians have sex huh?

You eat pussy, I eat pussy. You use real cock, I use fake one lah. Fingers also.

Got fake one meh?

Got. Can buy from this place called U4ria at Orchard Road some more.

How you wear? Show me can?

Cannot.

The colloquial conversation I had was with a friend’s then-boyfriend-now-husband, who is your typical ah-beng-next-door kind of bloke. An extremely primitive fella whose idea of a lesbian is one he sees from a porn movie. I didn’t mind entertaining his curiosity, and explaining to him that most lesbians do not look like Shu Qi from Viva Erotica.

While blessed with the ability to socialize with anything that walks, my individual dislike for conformity make me somewhat of a semi-commitment-phobic social slut in the lesbian circle, if that even make any sense to you. Yes indeed I know my fair share of lesbians in the meat market, but I’m detached enough to take a step back and say So Lesbian at social symbols of lesbianism that are too cliché. Some of these So Lesbian moments include:

1. Alpha Beta Cum Togeda
Lesbians, for some reason, are awfully “clique-ky”. If there is a University of Lesbians Singapore, then there are perhaps, 500 sororities or something. Lesbians like forming groups which they would go just about anywhere with. And if you somehow fancy a girl in a particular group and want to get to know her, you’d probably need to fill in a membership application form.

2.Your current girlfriend is my current girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend’s girlfriend
A very common phenomenon in a country with a population of barely 4 million people. Unless you’re one who goes for the straight girls, you’re likely to be connected to your current chick long before you even know her. Do check if you’re slept with her sister before. Trust me, it is quite possible.

3. Phantom Honda 200cc motorbike and Mazda 3
I actually do appreciate both vehicles, but I know enough owners of both to open my own showroom.

4. Where my hood at?

R&B and Hip-hop music. Always, without fail, spinning in lesbian parties.

5. The Number Ten.
1= Skinny femme with peroxide-damaged ceramic perm curls.

0= Severely obese butch in that particular Ralph Lauren polo tee that comes with a vulgarly big logo.

10= 75% of your lesbian couples in Singapore.

Don’t ask me why. I’m still hoping for more 11s.

Sisters, anymore to add on?


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