How to Date an Ad Girl
I struggled for a bit, trying to find an appropriate title for a woman working in the Advertising industry. Ad woman sounds like a lazy adaptation from Ad man (like Patricia is to Patrick). Ad lady sounds rather Danielle Steel. Even Ad girl is not quite up my alley. A tad too virginal. And I can assure you we Ad girls aren’t virginal. We get fucked everyday by our clients, sometimes 2 at the same time. Perhaps I should’ve called us Haute Couture Prostitutes but I’m not ready to be dumped by my super-efficient headhunter as of yet.
The purpose of this guide is to aid non-advertising people in their pursuit in wooing an Ad girl. You need to understand that first and foremost, most Ad girls spend the first 10 hours at work, followed by another 4 hours at the bar. For the first 10 hours, they have no time to talk to you. For the next 4 hours, you don’t have a clue what they’re saying because they’re too drunk. In other words, they probably don’t spend as much time explaining their lives to you.
And that’s why you need this.
1. Respect the Law of Murphy
There is no scientific explanation to this, but Murphy’s Law always strikes an Ad girl at the worst timing ever. When she’s about to leave the office to meet you, something bad is bound to happen. Either the selfish Client calls to drop an urgent job (i.e. I need this by 9am tomorrow!), or David Beckham’s face looks too green on a color proof, or the copywriter suddenly realized that the Client’s brand was spelt wrongly in an ad that has already been submitted to SPH. The list goes on, really.
So if an Ad girl tells you to meet her at 8pm, assume it’s 9.30pm instead. And if she actually does make it on time at 8pm, she really likes you.
2. Know your faux pas from your foie gras (thanks Shu, for this subhead!)
Of all professions apart from tai-tais, the one most intimately associated with the pleasures of luxury designer goods and fine dining is Advertising. Ad girls are superficial creatures who would judge you from the moment you step into her life in either your Prada, or Bata.
It’s fine not wearing designer clothes, but know that we will notice if you are clad in a sleek Hugo Boss shirt, or you’re carrying a limited edition Miu Miu bag.
And oh, please know your Bleu de Bresse from your Kraft cheese.
3. Do not ask her what is her favourite advertisement
Number one, you’re not a potential employer interviewing her. Number two, you will trigger her to talk nonstop for the rest of the night. And before you know it, your only next sentence would be “It was nice meeting you, good night.”
4. Do not pitch too hard
Ad girls are groomed to be the most aggressive and manipulative salespeople you can ever imagine, next to car salesmen. An art director would need to know how to sell her ideas to the Suit. A Suit would need to know how to sell the ideas and justify the costs to the Client. And if your Ad girl happens to be the New Business Development director of the Agency, don’t even think you can con her with your sugarcoated words. New Business Development Ad girls are the crème de la crème in selling. They can sell ice to Eskimos. So don’t even try. We can detect your pre-memorized script before you finish your first sentence. Don’t try to hard, just be yourself.
The Advertising industry is as small as the Lesbian industry in Singapore. Chances are, the Ad girl you’re courting has probably had a little harmless rendezvous with her ex-agency’s Regional Account Director or perhaps the intern. Get over it. The truth is, Ad girls are often married to work, and friendships formed from proximity often lead to convenient romance and sex romps in the same backyard. It doesn’t quite help that Advertising agencies do hold frequent parties too. Free flow of alcohol, extremely delicious meat and stressed-out Ad girls is the perfect recipe for erm, “world peace”.
6. Your Friendly Information Counter
Don’t be surprised if a bimbotic-looking Ad girl is able to explain to you the difference between alopecia areata and alopecia totalis, and how dihydrotestosterone causes follicles to damage. Ad girls do their homework for each and every Client they have. So the next time you think you can impress your Ad girl with your knowledge on cars (just because you can read the brochure), it’d be wise to check if her Client happens to be Mercedes or not.
7. Dates and timings to avoid irritating her
This is the most hypothetical part of the guide, but for any Ad girl in a Above-the-Line agency, you should try to avoid irritating her on certain dates and times, namely:
2 weeks before Chinese New Year: Mad rush to get all deliverables out in time as Suppliers go on their week-long break
25th of the month: Female magazine’s media submission deadline
28th/ 29th of the month: Most magazine’s media submission deadlines
5pm (day to be advised by Ad girl): All newspapers’ media submission deadlines
2 weeks before Christmas: Mad rush of next year’s planning, getting consumers to increase purchase buys during the festive season, etc
8. Barrio Chino
If your Ad girl ever takes you to Barrio Chino (60 Club Street), it is evident that you mean something to her. Barrio Chino is THE bar where Advertising people from various agencies meet, mingle, and indulge in its now-not-so-good calamaris. If she takes you there to be seen by her fellow colleagues, you know you have arrived.
Barrio Chino is the finishing line. I hope you get there.
That’s pretty much it, really. If you Ad girls have anything else to add on, please do so, I would definitely love to hear from you, too. Do note that my observations are purely hypothetical, and do not necessarily apply to every Ad girl out there (hell, I know a few who don’t smoke, don’t drink, and never been to Barrio Chino before). Come and think about it, not all points apply to me too. I’ll let you figure out which ones.
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- April 20, 2007 / 2:11 am
- The Advertising Slut