As a kid, I have always dreamed of being a phlegmatic, sardonic, neurotic and eccentric artist who rapes the decaying society with her discharge of venerable wit and dry sense of humour. I was convinced I could get rich from entertaining the audience. Unfortunately, the only person in the audience at that time was my mother. She was convinced my argumentative nature would make me a potential lawyer, my barely-legible handwriting hinted my future as a doctor and that my lessthanperfect looks was important when I was to become a Member of Parliament (MP).

Girl ah, you no looks nevermind. MPs all so ugly. I recalled her expressing her version of mother-to-daughter encouragement. Now you know where I’ve inherited my honesty from.

As you may know, I have not quite turned out to be a lawyer, doctor or yuck, MP. I leverage on my argumentative skills on a daily basis with my clients and creatives. The DHL courier man never once complained about my handwriting. And hey, make-up and bigger boobs do help camouflage ugly faces like mine.

The prurience to entertain the audience, which has since expanded beyond my mother, grew stronger over the years. I have no qualms admitting to the fact that I enjoy entertaining people, sometimes at the expense of others. If you’re a butch and your name’s Mervix, I will bitch about it. If you’re a perverted straight man who think your dick is the cure to lesbianism, I will bitch about it. If you’re the one who spends S$400,000 of tax payers’ money renaming a tourist attraction with the exact same name, I will not bitch about it because they do not have wireless broadband internet in the prison. And in a way, that is why I blog. I love writing, and it is highly therapeutic. I cannot afford Dr. Phil anyway.

It must be my darnest luck, for I have been offered my own column on LOTL International, called The P Spot. Launched in 2006 by the publishers of LOTL (formerly ‘Lesbians on the Loose’), Australia’s best known monthly lesbian magazine, I was fortunate enough to be offered the opportunity to write just about anything I wish to pertaining to lesbianism for The P Spot. To top it off, for authenticity purposes, I am encouraged to retain my usual dose of vulgarities, Hokkien and Singlish. Which means, yes, you may find the word cheebye in the magazine. How lovely.

Wa eh ang moh column wu hokkien, mai siao siao.

Fridae.com, Asia’s leading gay and lesbian social networking site, has partnered with LOTL International, to present readers premium magazine content in a special easy to read format online. Have a read today. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think.

This is by far the best birthday present I’ve given myself.