Toca Me Grand Opening: 042807

Funny how life for me was so different just a month and a half ago. I’m not Gwyneth Paltrow and this isn’t an Oscar® moment, so I’d spare you from the 60-second thank-you speech. Let’s just do a 30-second version instead:

Thank you Irene, Ron, Jerm and Ling for believing in me, and letting me be who I am.

Thank you Shu, for being there from Day 1. You showed me what human kindness is all about. You cared so unconditionally, I can only hope I can do the same for you and others.

Thank you Frances, for being you.

Thank you Carolyn, for your nagging and care for my constantly-neglected health.

Thank you SY, for tolerating the continual whining and bitching for the past month.

Last but not least, thank you Cecil, my top-notch Creative Director, for having written my artist profile in 15 minutes, without a damn brief from me at all. For all curious, he wrote:

Some might call Pat loud, brash and in-your-face. Born premature, spouts Hokkien euphemisms at the drop of a hat and suffering from bipolar depression from time to time, Pat doesn’t live and breathe art, she bleeds art. And like all artists with tortured souls, her best work often emerges when she’s in the throes of emotional upheaval. Never one to rest on her laurels or be satisfied too easily, Pat’s perfectionist pursuits can result in some rather anal tendencies. A rough diamond who’s raw edges will indelibly leave lasting impressions – whether through her art or her passions – on any person she meets.

Thank you.

And oh, say hi if you see me tomorrow.

2 Hearts. 1 Soul.

The Client:
New Business Director of a world-leading Advertising Agency (aka not going to be very easy to satisfy)

The Brief:
To develop an appropriate artwork using the Chinese character 心, which means “heart”. The artwork will thereafter serve as a tattoo design for another form of canvas – her body.

The Challenge:
The natural form of the Chinese character 心 is not quite the most visually cooperative nor attractive Chinese character in the dictionary. Its simplicity, 4 strokes in total, will look weak as a standalone tattoo design.

The Solution:
The Chinese character 心 was constructed with deliberately smooth lines, to portray the gentleness of the heart. It then connects itself to an inverted heart, crafted in a tribal manner, to project Passion and Fury the heart holds (and believe me, knowing the Client, she has a lot of passion).  Humans are born with 2 sides that provides the equilibrium of the soul. We can contribute good deeds as much as we can commit the bad. We can be weak as much as we can be strong. And therefore the title; 2 Hearts. 1 Soul.

The Client mentioned her preference for the color Red. Understanding the Asian skin, I know the preferred color does not sit well by itself in ink. Red fades on yellow skin, unfortunately. With that said, I decided it was important to introduce variants of Red and Black tones.

The heart is dynamic. The heart is complicated. The heart holds depth you cannot imagine. And I hope I portrayed that successfully in my design.

Nothing beats seeing the Client satisfied. My first commissioned work, no less. It has been my honour.

One Page Selling Page

I’ve always thought, if there is a fashion label I can most relate to in terms of Design, it would be Comme des Garçons by Rei Kawakubo. I appreciate simplicity. Understated visual cues get my attention. Being typical is a sin. And that’s what I love about Comme des Garçons. I do have to say Rei’s getting a little too mainstream these days though. Always thought she could do better than that.

Anyway.

My one page selling page is up. Like I said, I’m a sucker for simplicity. I’ll try to get the rest of the site up by this weekend. Meanwhile, let me know what you think of it.

How to Date an Ad Girl

I struggled for a bit, trying to find an appropriate title for a woman working in the Advertising industry. Ad woman sounds like a lazy adaptation from Ad man (like Patricia is to Patrick). Ad lady sounds rather Danielle Steel. Even Ad girl is not quite up my alley. A tad too virginal. And I can assure you we Ad girls aren’t virginal. We get fucked everyday by our clients, sometimes 2 at the same time. Perhaps I should’ve called us Haute Couture Prostitutes but I’m not ready to be dumped by my super-efficient headhunter as of yet.

The purpose of this guide is to aid non-advertising people in their pursuit in wooing an Ad girl. You need to understand that first and foremost, most Ad girls spend the first 10 hours at work, followed by another 4 hours at the bar. For the first 10 hours, they have no time to talk to you. For the next 4 hours, you don’t have a clue what they’re saying because they’re too drunk. In other words, they probably don’t spend as much time explaining their lives to you.

And that’s why you need this.

1. Respect the Law of Murphy
There is no scientific explanation to this, but Murphy’s Law always strikes an Ad girl at the worst timing ever. When she’s about to leave the office to meet you, something bad is bound to happen. Either the selfish Client calls to drop an urgent job (i.e. I need this by 9am tomorrow!), or David Beckham’s face looks too green on a color proof, or the copywriter suddenly realized that the Client’s brand was spelt wrongly in an ad that has already been submitted to SPH. The list goes on, really.

So if an Ad girl tells you to meet her at 8pm, assume it’s 9.30pm instead. And if she actually does make it on time at 8pm, she really likes you.

2. Know your faux pas from your foie gras (thanks Shu, for this subhead!)
Of all professions apart from tai-tais, the one most intimately associated with the pleasures of luxury designer goods and fine dining is Advertising. Ad girls are superficial creatures who would judge you from the moment you step into her life in either your Prada, or Bata.

It’s fine not wearing designer clothes, but know that we will notice if you are clad in a sleek Hugo Boss shirt, or you’re carrying a limited edition Miu Miu bag.

And oh, please know your Bleu de Bresse from your Kraft cheese.

3. Do not ask her what is her favourite advertisement
Number one, you’re not a potential employer interviewing her. Number two, you will trigger her to talk nonstop for the rest of the night. And before you know it, your only next sentence would be “It was nice meeting you, good night.”

4. Do not pitch too hard
Ad girls are groomed to be the most aggressive and manipulative salespeople you can ever imagine, next to car salesmen. An art director would need to know how to sell her ideas to the Suit. A Suit would need to know how to sell the ideas and justify the costs to the Client. And if your Ad girl happens to be the New Business Development director of the Agency, don’t even think you can con her with your sugarcoated words. New Business Development Ad girls are the crème de la crème in selling. They can sell ice to Eskimos. So don’t even try. We can detect your pre-memorized script before you finish your first sentence. Don’t try to hard, just be yourself.

5. Double-dipping
The Advertising industry is as small as the Lesbian industry in Singapore. Chances are, the Ad girl you’re courting has probably had a little harmless rendezvous with her ex-agency’s Regional Account Director or perhaps the intern. Get over it. The truth is, Ad girls are often married to work, and friendships formed from proximity often lead to convenient romance and sex romps in the same backyard. It doesn’t quite help that Advertising agencies do hold frequent parties too. Free flow of alcohol, extremely delicious meat and stressed-out Ad girls is the perfect recipe for erm, “world peace”.

6. Your Friendly Information Counter
Don’t be surprised if a bimbotic-looking Ad girl is able to explain to you the difference between alopecia areata and alopecia totalis, and how dihydrotestosterone causes follicles to damage. Ad girls do their homework for each and every Client they have. So the next time you think you can impress your Ad girl with your knowledge on cars (just because you can read the brochure), it’d be wise to check if her Client happens to be Mercedes or not.

7. Dates and timings to avoid irritating her
This is the most hypothetical part of the guide, but for any Ad girl in a Above-the-Line agency, you should try to avoid irritating her on certain dates and times, namely:

2 weeks before Chinese New Year: Mad rush to get all deliverables out in time as Suppliers go on their week-long break
25th of the month: Female magazine’s media submission deadline
28th/ 29th of the month: Most magazine’s media submission deadlines
5pm (day to be advised by Ad girl): All newspapers’ media submission deadlines
2 weeks before Christmas: Mad rush of next year’s planning, getting consumers to increase purchase buys during the festive season, etc

8. Barrio Chino
If your Ad girl ever takes you to Barrio Chino (60 Club Street), it is evident that you mean something to her. Barrio Chino is THE bar where Advertising people from various agencies meet, mingle, and indulge in its now-not-so-good calamaris. If she takes you there to be seen by her fellow colleagues, you know you have arrived.

Barrio Chino is the finishing line. I hope you get there.

That’s pretty much it, really. If you Ad girls have anything else to add on, please do so, I would definitely love to hear from you, too. Do note that my observations are purely hypothetical, and do not necessarily apply to every Ad girl out there (hell, I know a few who don’t smoke, don’t drink, and never been to Barrio Chino before). Come and think about it, not all points apply to me too. I’ll let you figure out which ones.

Don’t. Walk away.

Two different messages. Or is it one? One painting, in any case. I’m glad I’m feeling more affiliation to the latter.

Enough

Van Gogh has done it. So did Picasso. And Dali, but of course.

My self-portrait welcomes your comments. Yes, I wanted to see how I look like with short fringe. And yes again, this is a sequel to Fallen Star. Title says it all, really.

9 Rays by Anne Cheng

Toca Me presents Anne Cheng’s works for Don Bosco Foundation Charity.

Date: 14 April 2007, Saturday
Time: 6-9pm

Bottle of wine at only $48.00
Martinis at only $10.00
Free shooter at door regardless of how ugly you are.

See you there.

I Swear to God

Hey you, what’s up? Look, I know you exist. I know you’re for real. The thing is, I haven’t got the slightest clue which organization you belong to. Should I be a Buddhist? Should I be a Catholic? Should I be a Muslim? Should I be a Pagan?

Does it really matter?

I remember that night when we met. Ok, so we haven’t exactly met and introduced ourselves and exchanged name cards or anything. But I felt you. I heard you. I know it was you.

I still don’t understand what the apparition meant. I’m not sure if you were dabbling with creativity, or the hanging heads of my friends meant something. And to be honest, I thought the white stairs were a little too cliché. Surely you could’ve come up with something more refreshing than that! Seriously, why can’t you just get to the point and tell me what you wanted to say?

I tried looking for you a few times after that night. I thought perhaps the Bible was the answer. Then again, I have issues with knowing that Man selected and filtered information of Truth to be placed in the Bible. Don’t get me wrong, I trust you with all my heart. I just don’t trust Man.

After the Bible, which I still have hidden in my drawer next to my hair dryer, by the way, I moved on to look for you in Taoism, the default religion I was born into because of my parents. I even selected it as my subject matter for my final year project. For weeks, I read religiously (no pun intended) about Lao Tze’s amazing stoical indifference to the powers of the world. The 81 sayings of Tao Te Ching were constantly being played at the back of my head. I visited temples and spoke to Taoist priests. Still, I couldn’t find you. Lao Tze was a great philosopher. But he wasn’t you.

4 years ago, I stole this book called “What Would Buddha Do at Work?” from my ex-Agency’s library and it turned out to be the most enlightening thing I ever did. Truth be told despite the original mischief committed, I felt as though Buddhism would lead me to you. But here’s the problem, there are 28 Buddhas, and in any case, Buddhism is non-theistic. So you’re not supposed to exist.

But I know you’re real. It was you that night.

I swear to God, it was you that night.

I swear to God.

Viva la Oriental

Measures 50 x 30 inches. Took me a year to complete this, but at least I was satisfied. I still am. I just wish they would return it to me. And screw my school for producing greeting cards with my art without my permission, and not giving me any credit.

Black Baby

Oh, black baby,
Your mother’s a whore,
Or so your father says.

Now you can’t be sure,
For you were two when she went away.

It’s ok now,
You don’t really care,
Your father loves you,
You can tell when he touches you there.

Oh, black baby,
If only you know the truth,
If only someone could see you.

Heaven is not a place called Hell,
But you will never be able to tell.

Oh, black baby.